March 26-April 1st

I was very impressed with Sister and Brother Williams talking about their personal experience with this. It took her a great deal of power to talk about these things. It shows her level of commitment to the Savior to talk about how she knew she made mistakes but wanted to make sure that other’s didn’t make it. She was very open. It really helped me understand how important it is to be grounded before we start dating someone seriously….the to date someone out of rebellion may cause temporary pain for our parents but in the long term, it has great influence on the person that dates, marries and then divorces. I’ve talked with so many different couples who have dated, married, and then divorced and it has always ended in a very painful way.  I have seen very successful blended families but everyone has said what a challenge it is and the stresses that they experience. I know that President Hinckley had three different mothers, due to death, and he talks about the challenge it was for his siblings with this new mother. I think we think that blended families is always about divorce when death, though not common, is still a part of a blended situation in some circumstances. This week has really helped me to appreciate my wife and child on the way in such a different way. When Brother Williams said, "most blended families fail", it really sank in how Satan is all about placing any type of wedge possible.

March 19-25

I loved today’s conversation about giving encouragement and coaching kids through decisions and challenges. So often when we try and teach our kids, we take away their agency to do anything. We give them all the ideas; we tell them how and why to do or not to do something. I’m in three different classes that talk about the power we can have on kids. If we model decision making with our spouses, our kids with have an easier time figuring things out. They are trained observers who are accurate. Empathy is a great tool and emotion to have towards and with a child when we are interacting with them. Listening, taking time, and asking sincere questions with open ended answers help kids of all ages, even with adults, to be ready to figure things out. When we listen for feelings with our ears, eyes, and the Holy Ghost, we can assess a situation. Checking their understanding by restating in different words what you heard will help the child know we want to be with them. I have been trying this type of discussion with kids in scouts, and in primary. It works wonders when we help them solve their own problems.

Week 10 Father's and Finances

I thought today's lesson in class was very inspiring. My wife and I have had many experiences in the short 7 months we've been married learning and knowing that Heavenly Father is very aware of our circumstances. He knows and loves us and wants us to be happy. We need to learn that We need Him in order to achieve our goals. I loved the discussion about how we choose to do certain things and how we as spouses make decisions. Kelcie and I had a very spiritual and sacred experience in knowing when to have children. One of the things that has really helped us was to know and understand what the living prophets have said about specific things like Marriage, Raising Children, When to have children, Birth Control, working mother's, Finance, etc... We used Eternal Marriage, one of the institute manuals to read a lot about this stuff. We did it on our own and came together and discussed it and sometimes read together and shared the Do's and Don'ts that are specifically mentioned. Once we came to our personal conclusion, we began to act, but did little to include the Lord he eventually humbled us. It was a very real thing. The Spirit bore powerful witness to us about when we should do certain things. It was an incredible experience but it has been a huge foundation builder and stepping stone to being more in tune with his will. It has safe guarded and protected our marriage. I am forever thankful to Him for this.

March 5-11

I can witness that the counsel message works. I have been in scores of Bishopric meetings with 2 different bishoprics and seen the fruits of this method. I have seen also when we keep things to ourselves and try to do things individually it will not work. I have seen this method in our primary class work as well as in bishoprics. Kids understand this when we model it correctly for them and create an atmosphere where they know that they will not be judged. There insights as a class counsel has helped us understand what we each can and should do to invite the Holy Ghost. These answers were so much more than simply reading the scriptures, praying, and keeping the commandments. It was specific tasks that they needed to accomplish. Things they needed to stop doing. Things that were good but needed to be substituted for something better. Instead of my wife and I being the instructors, we have changed to the facilitators, and welcome the kids comments, questions, and ideas. And the best part is, we don't have to always answer the questions because the kids now are stepping up and trying to explain things. If they are off, another kid will help add to what they are missing or pull them back in. Everyone learns and is on the same page. If we are judgemental, critical, or indifferent, the kids are learning that we can't receive revelation. Best part is, we get the kids all year.

2/27-3/3/2012

This week talking about crisis and challenges that we face is really an interesting thing. It has been really neat to reflect back on all the crisis that my family has faced. I noticed that when the kids in our family became teenagers we had the most problems. It was from 13-19 that we got in trouble or something happened. We've experienced parent surgery some minor and one major for my mom and dad. Siblings have faced legal problems, delay on going on missions, coming home early from missions, adoption problems, and addictions. It's been interesting to see that for the most part we as a family have been able to recognize there is a problem and this is what we need to do. I've noticed it with my parents, they have been the one's leading the way with a positive yet realistic attitude. I really loved the section in the book that discussed how to cope effectively and what makes a family so resilient.

2/20-2/26/2012

This week has been a really big eye opener. I've been learning a lot about these same things in a social work class. I loved that Brother Williams said he hates the word "communicate". It doesn't help us with anything because it we don't know what part of our communication is wrong. It could be verbal, non verbal, physical etc... Openness and sharing specific things is so important and I've learned that the hard way with my wife. I need to be more direct and specific instead of asking yes no questions, but "why do you feel that way", or "what can i do to help", or "why do you like that. it doesn't have to do anything with sex, it can be with cleaning, chores, cooking dinner, the date we went on. So often we simply ask the wrong questions or we don't know what to ask. Constantly sharing with your spouse can be such a positive thing. Not just sharing but asking and taking time to listen.

2/13-2/19/2012

I learned a lot in class this week. it was full of really applicable things. I shared how my little brother and his wife never established roles and boundaries with her parents, and I did with my wife's. I didn't mention that even though i didn't have her there when i talked with her parents about marrying her and what role they expected from me, my wife and i have since talked with them. Kelcie and i pulled her mother aside and talked about our expectations with her and she shared hers with us. There were some we agreed on and some we disagreed on. It was really an incredible thing. We have talked with Dan and my parents as well about what we expect and what we want to do. We don't want to be to thorough because with a baby things are changing and we don't know what will happen and the help we might hope for and need. We don't want to become out of their lives since the gospel is aobut family and we want to be able to help them. I do think it's so important that we are open in our relationships about our expectations with in-laws and with our spouse. We need to see where they are coming from and that just because our way may be different, neither way is necessarily write or wrong.

2/6-2/12/12

I have really enjoyed reading the different chapters with my wife. We read chapter 7 together and it brought back a lot of great memories when we first met and eventually started dating. There was a lot we found true for us with in terms of finding similarities yet some differences. It's interesting to look back and see the pressures both of our parents put on us even though they didn't realize it. I remember being very blunt with my in-laws and telling them that I preferred not to live anywhere near them or my parent for the first few years of marriage and it kind of caught everyone off guard. My father-in-law was pretty supportive of it.
Also,  I think it's really important that we establish family traditions and hold fast to them.

1/30-2/5/2012

Thinking about what would be different if I were a girl and not a boy would have small differences. We all worked in the house and did chores and we all did stuff outside. Boys did mow the lawn but there were 4 of us so mowing the lawn only happened so often since we would rotate out. We all had to clean the garage, the basement, cleaned the cars and boat. I think that it’s important that we learn how to work outside and in the house. My dad is the one that the girls in young women as to show them how to iron instead of another women in the ward. I look at the relationship that my mom and dad have and I think it’s pretty cool that my parents do lots of stuff together. My mom works in the yard probably as much as my dad. My dad works in the house doing dishes, cooking, and taking care of things. That is something that I hope my wife and I establish.

1/23-29/2012

We talked a little bit about defining family on Wednesday and one of the girls made a comment that really stuck out to me. She said growing up her blood family always seemed to cut her down or pull her away from what she wants to accomplish. She said that her family is more than blood. It was those who helped her through life. Those who took her in. Those that were friends with her and were willing to help her grow. These weren’t blood. It reminds me that as members of the church, we have been encouraged as members of the church and commanded to love our neighbor as our self. To lift those in need. To mourn with those that mourn. This young lady helped me appreciate home and visiting teachers, those that spend time with others outside of their family. We are one big family here on earth and we all have needs and we can help them. Some of us come from families that cut down us down and we need others to help step in and lift us up.  It is the very essence of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

This Week 1/15-21 Blog

Learning about these different theories in our class has caused me to reflect on my how my wife and I interact and the duties we perform through out the week. She is usually the one that does so much at home. Not only is she carrying our first child but she is constantly feeling sick and she still does most of the dishes, laundry, and she recently got a job and still takes care of her mom who is really sick and she tidy up’s the house while I’m gone at school, or working on the weekends.

When I don’t perform my duties, it limits our ability to spend time together and accomplish the tasks that we want to do together. This has really helped me understand more that I need to do more than ever to help lighten the load that she has.

When Brother Williams said,

“I believe the marriage will limit how great a family is”. It dawned on me that the strength of mine and Kelcie’s marriage is limited to how well we communicate, understand, and help each other. This is a key time in our lives that will greatly trickle down to our future. If we can establish effective, successful and agreed to goals and ideas in marriage our future can be bright. Or it can be very damning.

This week 1/8-1/14

This week I've been thinking a lot about the importance in spending time with your spouse and the need that needs to be met. In class this week we have discussed a variety of things in terms of research and statistical analysis. It's amazing how much the Lord's church is focused on the family and encouraging us to make time for our loved ones. This will help several problems, certainly not all of them but I think we as human beings have a great need to be loved and to love others in the right way and the Lord's church shows us this.